The conservatism of progressives

Related to yesterday's post, a recent media spectacle shows just how conservative the modern progressives are. Last week in Toronto, a woman was being interviewed on TV about her nonchalant attitude toward public wearing of masks [note: I do NOT endorse her views about masks! I repeat: I do NOT endorse her views about masks!] when a man suddenly came up and kissed her on camera.  The woman was apparently quite happy with what happened. Nonetheless, the television station faced substantial criticism for airing this incident, and subsequently issued an apology. Some of the reporting on the matter has even opened with a "trigger warning."

Now, let me start by saying that I do NOT encourage men to go up and spontaneously kiss women that they barely know.  I repeat: Do NOT kiss women that you barely know!

Oh, and just in case I wasn't clear, I should add that men should NOT go up and kiss women that they barely know!

That said, as inadvisable as his conduct was, I have to note that in subsequent interviews it turned out that they'd spent some time interacting earlier that day.  We don't know exactly what transpired in their interactions, but apparently there was some romantic chemistry there, and when he acted on that romantic chemistry it was reciprocated. He wasn't doing this blindly, he was following up on interactions, making judgments based on how she had responded to him thus far. In most cases his actions wouldn't be well-received, but the competent adult woman that he kissed responded positively to a kiss from a man that she'd been interacting with and was clearly interested in. I can't bring myself to condemn a kiss between two people who had already interacted with each other and developed some romantic chemistry. That has to mean something, that a real, live, and apparently* competent woman responded enthusiastically to a kiss from a guy that she'd been interacting with.

Nonetheless, because so much of the context was off-camera, it looks like something else, a kiss out of the blue with no interaction that would suggest it's welcome.  I get why that would be off-putting to people, and I get why they wouldn't want young people (especially young men) to see kisses like that without crucial context.  I get that it could send the wrong message.

I guess what I would say is that expressing disapproval of public sexual displays that lack crucial relationship context is a fundamentally conservative stance.  And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being conservative. There are many situations in life where I think a conservative approach is good, just as there are situations in which I think a liberal or progressive approach is good. Frankly, I think it's good to be conservative when it comes to telling young men to get consent (if not verbal consent then very strong non-verbal cues) before kissing. But let us not fool ourselves: Lamenting a media portrayal of a kiss that "sends the wrong message" is a conservative stance.

I harp on this because we need to get past the idea that nominal progressives are the heirs of 1968. They aren't.  Maybe that's a good thing. I mean, I wasn't around (or even conceived) in 1968, I have no stake in defending that year. But we need to get past the idea that the people we call progressives are heirs of an older counterculture. They aren't. Maybe they are wise to reject that counterculture. Or maybe not. But, wise or foolish, there is nothing counter-cultural about a cultural faction that can get a TV station to apologize for erring a spontaneous kiss without the prelude of a romantic relationship.

Yes, at this point somebody will say that the issue is consent, and I will say that consent also requires context, and emotional preludes are the appropriate context for seeking consent. Suppose that a man briefly interacted with a woman, and that there was no emotional or romantic chemistry in their interactions.  Suppose that he then formally, explicitly asked for consent to kiss. Even if he respected her inevitable "no", would anybody say "Yeah, this was an OK interaction"?  I think not.  Everybody would recognize that it is creepy and inappropriate to seek a kiss without strong signals of romantic interest. "Yes" may be the only thing that means "yes", but "yes" should not be sought out of the blue.

So, let us not kid ourselves: If we had seen the romantic prelude to this kiss, it's likely that many people would be less bothered by it, because they'd see an interaction with context that would make it seem plausibly consensual beforehand, not just afterward.

The woman and man in that video are the real bohemians. Maybe it's fine to be a bohemian. Or maybe they are playing with fire and unwittingly encouraging others to do likewise. Think of them as you will, but know that they are the bohemians, however good or bad you deem them to be. If you approve, well, maybe you're a bohemian. Or maybe you at least wish you were one. But if you disapprove, you are not a bohemian, no matter how outlandish the hairstyle that you wear while drafting codes of conduct.

Finally, since I didn't say it enough, men should NOT go up and kiss women that they barely know!

*I mean, I'm not a psychologist, I haven't conducted an interview and neurological exam to verify that she is of sound mind, but I'm going to make an assumption.